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PART 1
Parents,
Have you noticed your child sometimes won’t open up to you but seems to share everything with another family member or even a teacher or Sunday school leader? Sometimes, for whatever reason, kids close up to parents. Our video this month talks about the importance of considering inviting a Third Party into your parenting relationship—someone who can come alongside your child as they move into their tween and teen years who will listen to them and invest in their life.
Mentors are not parents, and they are more than friends. According to Mimi Bullock in her article How to Mentor a Christian Child, mentors are “God-appointed guides that lead children” through different seasons in their life. Children face a different world than their parents with powerful influences—both good and bad. A mentor can help kids find their way through tough times, help them make sense of who they are in the world and be a sounding board. Sometimes parents just can’t fill those roles.
Try not to look at a mentor relationship as failure as a parent. The Bible actually encourages many different mentoring relationships in a person’s life! Proverbs 11:14 reads: “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” The more positive relationships a child has in his or her life, the better.
Check out this month's video below.
As always, we pray this Partnering with Parents material is helpful for you, the parent. Inviting a third party into your child’s life may be one of your best parenting decisions! We are always here to listen and help where we can.
The NAC USA Family Ministry Team
PART 2
Hello again!
We’ve been talking this month about considering a mentor relationship for your child. Finding a mentor, however, can be tricky! Seek out insight from leaders at church or trusted friends; they may be able to make suggestions of a Christian college student or young adult with a heart for kids who might jump at the opportunity to pour into a child’s life!
Here are just a couple of suggestions when looking for a mentor.
A mentor must be the same gender. This is a no-brainer. In today’s world, and especially when you are trying to find a young adult or adult person to pour into your child’s life, it’s paramount that you protect your child from any possibility of an inappropriate relationship. In addition to this, same gender mentors will better understand your child and what they might be going through. The Bible alludes to same-gender discipling relationships in 1 Timothy 5:1: “Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, with all purity.”
Mentors should be good listeners. Children need a safe person who will not necessarily try to fix problems but will simply listen. Your child does not need another person to parent them—they need someone who will come alongside them and help them process things out. Choose a mentor who is “quick to listen” and “slow to speak” (James 1:19).
A mentor must be committed. Make sure the person you are considering as a mentor will be deeply committed to the well-being of your child and can be trusted to be available when they say they are. Kids are acutely aware of adults who break promises, and you will want to find a mentor who will be there when they say they will be there.
A mentor should never break confidentiality. Most importantly, a mentor must be committed to confidentially. Breaking confidentiality breaks trust, and your child will pick up on this. Establish ground rules ahead of time, however, for issues that the mentor will need to disclose to you should they arise. If your child expresses anything to their mentor that might impact their safety—abuse, an inappropriate relationship, self-harm or suicidal thoughts, the mentor needs to communicate that to you.
A mentor should be fun! Above all, an ideal mentor will be someone your child will want to be with. Look for someone willing to help your child enjoy life—to play, laugh and be silly. A mentor’s goal should be to encourage the personal and spiritual growth of your child, but also to help them see life as exciting and full of possibilities.
Here on the journey with you!
The NAC USA Family Ministry Team